02 March, 2017

Lebih matang

Assalamualaikum. Mungkin entry kalini lain sikit dari entry sebelum-sebelum ni. Entry kalini rasa macam nak type panjang-panjang macam karangan. Mood lain macam pula malam ni. Okay, entry kalini isi dia sama je macam entry before this. Blog ni memang diwujudkan untuk cinta I tu. 

I sangat-sangat appreciate dia. I tak tahu kenapa aku buta selama ni. Kenapa I tak hargai dia. I menyesal dan sedih dengan diri I sendiri right now. Selama ni, I admit memang I tak matang. Tak matang in everything. Tak matang in handling myself. Tak matang in handling my relationship. Sampai benda kecil jadi gaduh, most of the time! I mean like, reply lambat pun boleh jadi hal besar untuk I. 

Long short story, kiteorang ada gaduh kejap haritu. Hampir sebulan juga hold the relationship. Masa yang agak lama juga lah. Boleh tahan meroyan juga lah I in first two weeks tu. Tapi slowly, I cuba belajar macam mana nak handle myself. I try to understand why this things happened and why dia jadi macam tu. I fikir positive and tahan diri I dari meroyan dekat dia lagi. Sakit juga lah rasa. Sumpah sakit. 

Admit that he is my first love cause bila dengan dia, I betul-betul rasa sakit kalau dia pergi. Before this, kalau ada orang nak pergi, then pergi lah. But dengan dia, I memang tak boleh lepaskan dia. I don't know why. I'm so in love like sincerely I do love him. Bukan sebab rupa atau apa tapi sebab attitude yang dia ada, the love that he spill out for me, the way he talked to me, the way he smiled to me, things in him yang orang lain takde. 

Okay ter describe dia pula, let's moving on. How I handle myself time tu? First week, so sakit. So sakit, tak tipu. The last message he sent, really broke my heart into pieces which I think that I may had lost him. I convince him in every way but the result still constant. Tapi I tak give up. I ni jenis yang takkan putus asa, selagi boleh, selagi nampak the chance, I akan try. I nangis a lot, I tengok our pictures and our videos banyak kali. Banyak kali I tanya BFF I whether dia ni nak dengan I lagi or tak sebab if dia nak break up, I redha dah. Seriously time tu I macam dah redha gila, admit it was my mistake and kifarah happened kan? Yes, I'm judging myself for what I did in my past.

After a month macam tu tak contact, I macam dah okay je cause I dah biasakan diri with the situation. So, sebabkan I taknak fikirkan sangat dia and nak happy kan diri. I ajak BFF I keluar and have some fun. I keluar malam, pergi have fun. I takde pun bagitahu dia apa-apa cause I think that maybe dia taknak ambil tahu lagi pasal I. But I'm wrong. Balik tu, I got a message from him on Telegram. Dia tahu I keluar malam tu. Then, dia minta I contact dia thru Telegram je if anything and DO TELL HIM BEFORE I GO OUT. 

Start from that day, I try to convince him after dalam 3 weeks I buat tak tahu dekat dia. Alhamdulillah, things went very very very well. I feel like baru bercinta semula. I feel the love sampai sekarang. He treats me well, macam dulu. I doa that's the last time I gaduh teruk macam tu dengan dia. I can't avoid pergaduhan but I wish I can control my emotion later bila ada gaduh. But for the time being, memang dia dengan I seboleh-bolehnya elakkan bergaduh. Right now, the best thing I boleh fikir to do is, I cuba pendam anything and jangan timbulkan pergaduhan. Just remind him je. 

That's all I nak bebel harini. Puas rasanya dapat luah macam-macam. Anyway, happy 17th and 518 days sayang! Saya sayangkan awak keranaNya <3